Taking Back the Confederacy: Next Stop Hawaii

Given the ongoing controversy surrounding the status of Confederate monuments and the efforts to remove them from public places, it might be worth considering what the advocates for preserving these relics actually want.

As these excerpts from the January/ February 2018 issue of Confederate Veteran suggests, some southerners still dream of reestablishing the Confederacy and, indeed, enlarging it.

If Hawaii had joined a successful Confederacy, Barack Obama would actually NOT have been born a U.S. Citizen to the delight of both current President of the United States Donald Trump and the former Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Roger Taney, author of the Dred Scott vs. Sanford (1857) ruling that slave owners were entitled to their slaves through the Fifth Amendment’s protection of private property.

Territorial Expansion and Retraction of the Confederate States of America

While Southerners are very proud of their history of military successes, they might be exaggerating the prospects of Hawaii joining the Confederacy.

The Alternate World of A Southern Victory (LORE)

Of course, southerners are prone to mythologizing a never-existent past. 

Celebrating the Confederate Moment

Nevertheless, the failure to secure the support of Hawaiians to the Confederate cause has not kept many Confederates from celebrating their Confederate moment. 

(L-R)Brandon Miles, Brandon Partin and Michael Miles cheer before Republican U.S. presidential nominee Donald Trump attends a campaign rally at the Silver Spurs Arena in Kissimmee, Florida August 11, 2016. REUTERS/Eric Thayer – RTSMSW0

Preparing the Next Generation of Confederate Leaders

Nor has past failure kept the current leaders of the Confederate movement from commemorating their past and preparing for the future.

“Dixie” The Confederate States of America National Anthem

Confederates leave little doubt that they love their symbols. 

The Anthemic Allure Of ‘Dixie,’ An Enduring Confederate Monument

September 20, 20183:41 PM ET;  Heard on All Things Considered

They Honor the Flag & All That It Represents

Image result for confederate flag cartoon

So what if the South Had Won the Civil War? 

No Really… What if the South Had Won the Civil War?

C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America (2004)“C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America,” a Faux Documentary That Skewers Real White Supremacy

‘CSA: The Confederate States of America’

But maybe we don’t need to worry too much after all…

South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year

HUNTSVILLE, AL–For the 135th straight year since Gen. Robert E. Lee’s surrender at Appomattox, representatives for the South announced Monday that the region has postponed plans to rise again.

“Make no mistake, the South shall rise again,” said Knox Pritchard, president of the Huntsville-based Alliance Of Confederate States. “But we’re just not quite ready to do it now. Hopefully, we’ll be able to rise again real soon, maybe even in 2001.”

The Kentucky state capitol.

Pritchard’s fellow Southerners shared his confidence. “Yes, sir. The South will rise again, and when it does, I’ll be right up front waving the Stars and Bars,” said Dock Mullins of Decatur, GA. “But first, I gotta get my truck fixed and get that rusty old stove out of my yard.” “Lord willing, and the creek don’t rise, we gonna rise again,” said Sumter, SC, radiator technician Hap Slidell, who describes himself as “Southern by the grace of God.” “I don’t know exactly when we’re gonna do it, but one of these days, we’re gonna show them Yankees how it’s done.” “Save your Confederate dollars,” Slidell added. “You can bet on that.” The Deep South states of Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, South Carolina, Louisiana, and Tennessee consistently rank at the bottom of the nation in a wide variety of statistical categories, including literacy, infant mortality, hospital beds, toilet-paper sales, and shoe usage. Even so, some experts believe the region could be poised for a renaissance.

Three of the estimated 45 million Southerners who have not yet gotten around to rising again.

“The way things stand, things in the Deep South almost have to get better. Otherwise, the people who live there will devolve into preverbal, overall-wearing sub-morons within a century,” said Professor Dennis Lassiter of Princeton University. “Either Southerners will start improving themselves, or they’ll be sold to middle-class Asians as pets.” “My constituents are decent, hard-working folk,” said Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC), despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, in his 22nd annual “Next Year, By God!” speech on the steps of North Carolina’s capitol building. “We are a proud people who mayn’t have all that much fancy-pants book-learnin’, but we live and die with pride in our proud heritage and the dignity of our forebears.” Helms’ speech was met with nearly 25 minutes of enthusiastic hoots and rebel yells by the 15,000 drunk, unemployed tobacco pickers in attendance. Though Southerners are overwhelmingly in favor of rising again, few were able to provide specific details of the rising-again process. 

C.S.A.: Confederate States of America (2004) Full Movie


I'm routinely overestimated.

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